Full Service Music

SMELLMAN SAYS:

(I just want to emphasize that I promised NOT to edit or spell check Smell's entries because, as he said, 'pssh, you wouldn't know what was a mistake and what was just my speak.' - Bonesaw)

MAY 4, 2011

20 tour.
My name is Pato Smellman and we are on the 20 tour. It is so ohesome! I feel we have stumbled into an amazing way of touring!! Every stop, without fail, surprises me. I knew that we were going out to see big fans, new and old, but I didn’t imagine all sweet adventures and great people it would bring. I mean… gosh!! We have played underneath rocket ships, in beautiful houses, rad barns, cabins, park sheds, backyards, workshops and on back porches. We have rocked with generations of Grabowski’s, Kepner’s, Merydith’s, Smith’s, and Rankin’s. We’ve been fed very well even though we have two vegetarians and a gluten-free warrior. AND… people buy us freaking delicious beers, provide amazing baked goods, let us wash clothes AND ARE JUST AS STOKED AS WE ARE!!!!! It’s unbelievable. I feel very privileged to be in so many different places where every single person is in a fantastic mood and very happy to see each other. Thank you so much to everyone who has had us play for them. We are extremely lucky to have people in our lives so down to help us chase dreams.

MARCH 11, 2011

Briefly describe the four shows we played on the boat. (The who, what, when, and where)

We were fortunate to play on all the days of the cruise. The first one was in a big theatre. There was floor seating which consisted of benches lined up. There was enough room between the benches to properly rock out. There was also a balcony seating area which provided a great view from where ever you were seated. The show in this room was great. We were all amped to be rockin on a boat. The crowd was great we had a bunch of people that knew us and came to support. We also had many people wander in during the show which was awesome. Made many new fans the first show!!

What was your favorite show to play and why?

The second show was my favorite show ever! Of all shows we have played this one was the most excellent. It was on the top deck of the ship which was called the “Lido Deck”. When we were setting up the sky got very dark and ominous. We knew rain was coming but continued to set up. All the equipment had been up for about 20 minutes and then the rain came. It was furious. Strong winds and cold rain drops were pounding the Lido Deck. The rest of the boys were mysteriously gone and I could see the ship’s crew needed help covering the gear and sound system. I jumped into action. The crew and I tried to pull tarps over the drums, amps, huge speaker towers but the 50 mph winds had different plans. Despite nature’s wrath we were able to get the kit and amps covered but the speaker towers were posing a bit of a problem. The traps were acting as sails and took all six of us to hold down. At one point one of the crew members was 25 feet in the air on a speaker tower getting abused by the elements when the front house sound man came down and yelled, “You are gonna kill yourself. Get down from there.” At that moment I felt like a real sailor, getting pelted cold rain, lashing whipping tarps to the lido deck, getting yelled at by a salty sea sound man…. best part of the cruise. It was surreal. It poured for about half an hour then the skies cleared. Well maybe not cleared but it stopped raining. The skies 360 degrees around the boat were gray and the clouds in front of the boat were especially dark. Sound man said go time so we ripped the tarps down, swept the puddles off stage, and plugged in. The show was so insane. The rain had stopped but not the wind. The seas were rough and the boat was swaying side to side, sometimes very violently. It was a heavy set. It had to be heavy to put up some kind of fight against Poseidon. We were scheduled to play an hour and a half but about 50 minutes in Bonesaw called out the god of the sea as he played opening riff of “tasteless gravy”. It was our last song. Rain came back to join the fierce wind and we were done. We rocked that 50 minutes so hard, against rain, wind, and waves. Best Full Service show to date.

Who is DJ Soulman and why is he awesome?

DJ soulman is awesome because he uses his music to hype. He comes in on the mic every once and a while but for the most part he is just spinning and mixing great danceable tunes. His energy is contagious. The crowd can feel his love for what he does and gives him the love back. AND he is freakin sick and mixing the song transfers were seamless and very impressive.

Who are the Raspler brothers and why are they awesome?

Adam and Peter Raspler are the two brothers that manage 311. They are really sweet men. They have been managing the band for a long time now and are still at the shows with their fists in the air and lips movin to their favorite lines. They fuckin love 311!! They have been managing the band for so long that if they missed a show or were not all about the same songs anymore no one could blame them. But no, they are 311’s managers, friends, and their biggest fans. That is so cool. The whole scene was amazing to be a part of.

Explain any experiences you may have had with Venus Williams.

The second night at the 311 show Venus was sitting in front of me. At one point, I think it was Chad’s solo, we both sat down to enjoy the beats. Afterwards Venus stood up and I couldn’t see anymore. I chuckled to myself that my view was being blocked by Venus Williams. Haha cool.

Explain any interactions you may have had with the guys in 311.

I didn’t have much interaction with the 311 dudes. But Chad did make a point to come introduce himself and meet us. I found that extremely admirable. But the whole cruise felt like a huge boat full of 311 family. Everyone was so nice or positive as 311 says.

What was it like playing on equipment that was not yours? (The bands— besides 311—had to use equipment that was provided by the production company, “Sixthman Productions”)

After playing with sixthman’s gear I decided I am going to fix my stuff when I get home. Gosh their stuff sounded great.

Describe what it felt like to be on the behemoth that is the Carnival “Destiny” cruise ship

The cruise felt like a mall that swayed back and forth. It also gave Hoag an excuse for all his stumbling around. “It’s the cruise not the brews!”

Say a thing or two about the other bands.

ALL the other bands were so nice. Sometimes when we arrive to clubs on land bands are a little stand-offish. We are guilty sometimes of this but it didn’t apply at all on the boat. All the bands were like a big family going to each other’s shows, late night pizza rendezvous, and dance parties. Very pleasant time.

How did the screening of “TAKEOVER!” go?

The screening could not have gone better. It got delayed a few times but I think this helped attendance. It gave us time to meet peeps and spread the word. People laughed harder, and cheered louder than I had imagined. Parts of it made me blush and laugh at myself. Hoag did an amazing job. I think what he made with mooger’s shots is the best product that could have come out of all that. He didn’t need 20,000 dollars and months of time, just an ipa or two, a month of devotion, and a pirated copy of final cut. You are the best Hoagman.

Talk about some of your favorite cruisers. Make an All-Star team.

Brett and crew. You are forever our medicine man. we will take you where ever we go. You are awesome brother.

That dude with the huge tattoo across his chest. The biggest fan we made. He rocked a headband and our shirt majority of the cruise. Didn’t know him before the cruise now I love him.

That dude that use to have dreads but now wears that bandana. Always ran into him and got hugs.

Mr. Sunburn. This man got fried the day before the cruise but still partied everyday and went on to the island. Chilled in the shade on the island but was there. Great company.

Mike and Mike. Got on the wrong shuttle so glad they did. Ya’ll rock.

Hash man? don’t know who you are or where you are form but thanks bra.

Sixthman crew. Such a great production crew. So nice and helpful.

How much did you sleep?

No time. Two of the four nights I think Hoag, Chito and I were the last 3 people awake. Got to live it up. We can sleep when we are not on a huge amazing boat in the middle of the Caribbean.

How did we end up throwing an orange off the back of the boat on the last night?

I am not sure how we ended up throwing the orange off the boat the last night at 3 in the morning. The orange was a great addition to the party that night. It was getting so much love during the dancing. I heard there was a banana throwing party the night before but we missed it. This was our fruit throwing party.

What was your favorite moment?

My dinner date with Chito. It was an amazing day then Chito and I made our way to the band dining area. We were blown away by the amount and quality of food. Filled our plates then went and ate at a very romantic table for two. Great moment!!

October 7, 2010

INTERVIEW QUESTIONS FOR SMELL by Hoagman

Hey Microsoft word. I am well, sleepy and hungry but well. Today I am at momsaw’s house and have been enjoying a lazy day. It is raining in philly and pretty cold. We woke up this morning at about 9 o’clock and went outside to take pictures for the album of new acoustic songs. The weather made for a weird photo shoot but the shots actually look really sweet.   Hoag has prepared some questions for me to answer and I will to so as honestly and concise as possible.

Good evening Smell, how are you?

                Good Hoag. Thanks for asking! I am looking forward to going back to North Hampton tomorrow and then home on Saturday. It has been a long tour with a bunch of long drives.

What did you do today?

                Well other than the photo shoot, today I have watched “Land of the Lost” starring Will Ferrell, read from the book I’m on titled A Short History of Nearly Everything by Bill Bryson, and played some guitar.

What was your favorite thing about yesterday?

                Yesterday you and I beat Bonesaw and Poop in a great volleyball tournament. It was really cold and rainy and if we lost I would have been upset. I was the weak link on our team and apologize for my performance. Alas, it was enough to get the victory. Blue Team is hard to beat unless Joel is recruited by Red Team.

When you see a small piece of trash in a park, what’s your thought process? Do you pick it up?

                Not much deep thought behind it but yes I will pick it up. I have been known to go to the green belt in Austin and come back with a back pack full of other folk’s empty beer cans I find. Once I see litter I can’t consciously leave it there. On a related subject, you and your mom would like me to kill any stink bug found in the house. To much disapproval of momsaw, I have started a catch and release program. I trap them and relocate them to their proper habitat outside. I don’t kill or litter. It makes me feel bad.

Is the craft-beer industry suffering from an epidemic of over-hopping?

                No way!! Some are getting a little intense. The triple IPA I had at Capone’s the other night was incredible but I couldn’t have more than one of those.

Do you ever see yourself getting into non-IPA beers, like Stouts, Belgians, or Lagers?

                I am an IPA man forever. I may try a Stout but that’s it. Lagers are awful!!

What’s your favorite percussion toy and why?

                My favorite toy is the melodic. I am not very good with it yet but like the possibilities. My fall back toy is my tambo. We have had some good times rocking together.

How would you describe the sound of a tambourine? A shaker? Sleigh bells? The stage floor?

                The tambourine sounds like industrial progress, shaker sounds like places outside city limits, sleigh bells sound like money, and the stage is always different( clunky, snappy, round, and/or hollow).

Discuss the relative merits of paper clips vs. staples please.

                Paper clips are obviously reusable, big plus in my eyes. But they will not hold your papers as tight as a staple will. Papers my fall form the grasp of the clip and be lost. Paper clips can also be contorted and used in many different useful situations.

What’s your favorite section of a Wal-Mart?

                Favorite section of Wal-Mart is the sporting goods section of the one on Brodie. Sweet Girl works there! Woo! Most helpful section is the shoe department. It has provided me with at least 6 pairs of foot wear in the past 6 years.

If you had money, how would your wardrobe change?

                No, if I had money I would not spend it on clothes.

The other day, a friend of mine (Stinkypants), came up to me after a show and said, “When Smell first started with you guys, I wasn’t sure you needed him in the band. But now he adds a lot to the group, and he’s actually indispensible.” What do you think he meant by that? Discuss your evolution with regards to your role in the group.

                Well I agree with Stinkypants, having never been in a band before it took me a little while to find my rock. At first I would just kind of jam to find my rhythm and place among the songs. I have always known my role was not that of a song writer for the band. A band can’t have too many people pushing their agenda. Some must just listen and ride. Now I listen intently to you and try to fill out your beats and add accents to fills. I also get to sing now and fucking love it. I think I have a nice voice (despite your mocking) and love the direction you give me on how to use it to color your ideas. I think I bring a fresh emotion to the idea of a “rock band”. There are a lot of three piece rock groups but not many four piece groups with three part harmonies and live percussion flares. I love my role.

If you had to fit Bone, Hoag, and Twinky-P into the following categories, where would you place each? (Most soul? Most kindness? Most humor?)

                I don’t like this question. I think we all have extremely commendable personalities. We are all honest, kind and funny. I think all of us have enormous hearts and are driven by each other. We were lucky to find each other and we all bring out the best in the others. I love you guys!

February 27, 2010 -

Hmmm…. So long since a update. Wow, my bad website. Pssh whatevs. Take this.

We have been on the road for about two weeks and will be home in bout 5 days, stopping to see my sweet girl on the way. Yesss!! We have been following around badfish and kickin ass. I love them boys from the fish and bein in the don’t squad. So freakin fun.

This tour has been a different beast than the rest. The stupid snow wont stop fallin. At night, after a beer or two, I kinda dig the snow but during daytime and load out, man, fungus that shit. Screw all these clothes and shoe requirements. This is the first tour that the birks didn’t even make the bag. If I cant wear the birks year round, I don’t wanna live there. I feel like we rock hard enough to rock your socks off but up here you gotta rock with your socks on or your toes will freeze. Lame!!

Despite the cold Youtube and Boner have worn shorts every day. Hahaha. They are so hardcore. Their answer to “Why the heck are you wearin shorts?” is ”It is a rule of rockin. You must not have long pants on.” Silly boys or stupid boys? Im not sure. I can understand wanting to jam with shorts on. I don’t understand the philosophy behind not just changing into shorts once at the venue. They suffer all day and night just to rock out for thirty minutes at dinner time with their ankles showing. Haha, that’s a lot of discomfort for thirty minutes of space jam but this dedication makes me think.

Math time!!

We play about 45 minutes on average each show. In a 3 week tour we play prolly 15 shows. 3 weeks is 504 hours. At a set length of 45 min, we are jamming for 11.25 hours out of 504 total hours. Every other second is spent in pursuit of those 11.25 hours. We drive, load in, load out, set merch up, find eats, search for cheap hotels, sleep in beds close to each other, use the bathroom in very uncomfortable conditions, put up with drunk assholes kickin our cd sign just so that 2% off our lives can be spent rocking. 98% of our life right now is spent chasing the rock. I am so tired, freakin cold as ice, hungry, smell terrible, comin down with the cold twink brought with him, and so poor I cant even dream of money. But that 2% is so fuckin sweet!!!!

Think I am on to something. This might be a good way to look at life. We all work hard, need more money, miss our loved ones, dislike workin, hate drunk stupid asses, and get sick from it all sometimes but are saved by only 2%. Chase your two percent at all cost.

Love ya

smelly

JULY 15, 2008 -

out on the road again...

i got about five hundred dollars to my name, brought half that with me to ease my appetite on this road and i come back to the rest goin to rent.

my birks got many holes and are loosin the souls, got towels being socks and shirts being belts.

i eat beans, brocolli, corn, tomatos, and bonesaw pasta. cow cheese but no legs; no wings, only eggs.

i love the crew, family, sun, blue team, friends at home, friends on road, the peach i took off the counter today, jah roots, mom-saw, peanut butter, and sand.

i dont dig authority tryin to hold us, rain while we drive, people who ask to make a purchase, searchin for a high, red team, merch left in the trailor, and forgeting my wallet in the van.

during our trip to new york, we had to take the subway. i am always stoked when we get to ride, it is such an awesome scene down there. we had to wait for a while for one of the trains. i decide to sit down on my longboard to enjoy a banana i had packed. while muchin one of the dudes noticed a rat in the other tracks. of course i jumped at the chance to see a real new york subway rat. when i got there, i looked at it for a sec and then pukey yelled "SMELL". i turned to see my longboard tumble into the track on the other side. suddenly the rat was not so important. everyone just said "oh my god", held thier breath and turned to me. i looked over at bonesaw and he looked back with huge eyes and said "No". befor i said anything he knew i was goin in to retrive it. i had no choice. i couldnt leave it to be destroyed with no attempt to save it. i looked at hoag and told him is was goin in. everyone was shaknin their heads and watchin intently. i jumped in, stepped to it, grabed her and hopped out. no prob. everyone was freakin out and a train came not fifteen seconds after i got out. much more diliberation and the board would have perished. not till after i got out did i hear about the third rail that is electrified, or think about what would have happened if my foot got stuck, or couldnt get out for many reasons that we later came up with. all the native yorkers that saw or heard about it where speachless. it was really no prob, in and out, bam diggle, nothin to it. i felt like letting the train hit it was not an option and as long as i did not see or hear a train i knew i could get it in time. foolish maybe... then forever foolin i be.

wish us luck at the next takeover. see you guys soon.

love,

smellman

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MAY 13, 2007 -

dear people back home,

right now i am bored out my mind in philly. well, not really in philly, hoags mama lives outside philly in a little place called ambler. his dad lives here to... and his first dog daisy and a cat known as sadie. they all live toghether. for now we live here as well.

the house they have is really beautiful. it is on an acre or so of land with real nice landscape around it, which was done and maintained by the boys. yard has got some real big shade trees and a big grass field for runnin. the grass is stickerless of course. the inside is very open and sunny, very warm. there is also a big basment that twink digs a whole lot.

i got no ride cept the white whale and she aint leavin so i am stuck here in this little beautiful yankee town. we play during the day but i get restless at night, stranded out here. miss my friends and companions.

check out this band we playd with. they're real good at playin the reggae. i was real impressed. soja is what they go by, go to sojamusic.com or myspace/soja.

the shows we have played have been real dirty. our spaceman sha came up from houston on a jet, threw down some thick vibes on freezin dub and others, and departed by train. thank you brethren for your breath and time, see ya soon back in the second biggest state.

it is only 11:30 and everyone is sleepin. fuck, i wish one of you guys who stays up late with i could come up here. i have been readin this book and if we get this machine that can change (i think) quantom foam, you can teleport here, i think you could even leave now and come visit me when i was writing this; or you could visit when we first got here; or i could go back to befor we left and just come back to right now or even get back earlier tonight just to be safe. actaully i have not finished the book. traveling by this foam shit might not be safe but if one of yall find a machine, fuck it. i would try for sure.

peace dreads. i love you guys.

smell

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JANUARY 22, 2007 - The past couple of days have been crazy man. We have been on high tops and deep lows. Check this shit.

We left mobile on Thursday the 18th and headed to LSU. The old singer of the band had a friend there that was trying to find a party for us. The party ended not happenin, fuckin rain, so we just ended up kickin with the two pretty girls. The girls were real cute and had Bone, Hoag, and Twink under their pretty girl spells. I am not gonna hit them to hard but I will say they had our fearless leader, Bonesaw, tryin real hard to learn some john mayer covers. Yes, the same Bone who plays that dirty solo during “3 will ride 4th” and hates Ben Harper and jack Johnson, was trying very hard to learn John Mayer to play for these two 19 year old cutie pie dancers. It was fuckin ridiculous. They went from we don’t play covers to; I wanna run through the halls of my high school real quick when the cuties were askin for it. Oh boys, cmon now.

Next day….. we drove to Gautier, MS. This was a bad day for smelly. I was feelin bad all day on the road and when we got to the hotel and I fell asleep pretty much immediately. It was only about five so this was pretty weird. I woke up at around seven and was fuckin sick. No details but it was no fun. I ended up in bed the rest of the day and had to miss our show on Twinks birthday. I was not in a good place.

I woke up feein much better. A little morning herb helped out a lot. Today we were divin to Fort Walton Beach, which was not far. Just a couple of hours and I was grateful, not feeling well and all. We arrived on the beach and the sky cleared and the sun came out. The others played football and I took a long walk down the white sands. I found a new shell for the dread and got my feet wet. That night we had a show with Bone and Hoag’s friend Justin. The club was real smoky but we had a fun jam. Justin’s band was very entertaining. Justin’s mom, Mrs. Rodgers, was extremely nice and let us sleeps in her house for two nights. Her house is amazing, right on the water and huge. It was an extremely nice house. I felt so privileged to sleep and eat there, many blessing to Mrs. Rodgers.

While in Fort Walton we went and saw another act of Justin’s. It was a big band, such as Frank Sinatra or something. We were in the front row, center stage. After the show, Mrs. Rodgers took us out to eat. We all ordered our shit. I ordered a salad and some pasta. The salads came out early and we started eatin. I took like two bites and Hoag had picked some onions out and shit when I saw some legs under a piece of lettuce in the salad. I moved the lettuce and there was a big fuckin roach in the salad. It was so fucked up and gross. We made a big scene, of course, and eneded up getting a meal for eight free of charge and a gift certificate for fifty bucks. It the end, it work out. I would do it again for all that free food we got.

Last night the sickness came back. Not for me, it moved to Twink and Beaux. In the end Twink slept for 20 hours and Beaux slept in the middle of the floor delirious with fever. Our crew was in shambles. Good luck Hoag and Bone. Stay healthy boys.

Now we are drivin to Gainesville, FL. Twink is sleepin again, beaux behind the wheel, Hoag reading and Bone is waitin for the puter. Peace out rasta souls.

smell

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JANUARY 16, 2007 - been many moon since we last spoke. november 30th is good day to start, i bring you heads up to date from there.

well, november 30th was me 22nd birthday. i dont really remember what occured but it was spent on sixth street somewhere, woke up at home in one piece so it was a good night.

also, i no longer lay my head down in the south of austin. i moved into a garage apt on 37th street. pretty close to campus. miss bein south of the river, but it be a sweet pad. thats what is happenin in austin.

tour baby..... man, we eat alot, sleep alittle, drive everywhere, and serve as many unsuspecting people as possible. in hattiesburg, we decided to take over turtle creek mall. it ended with us being escorted out by the big, bad mall security guards. it was awsome. when the guards demanded we stop, the entire food court erupted in applause, shouting for more music. it was real tight. we also took over south alabama campus. people were very open to takin free shit. not so much stopping to listen though. it was freezin ass cold outside. the shows have been bad, as in cool or sweet. the first show in h town was in a smokefilled bar called garys spot. houston alows for smoking to go on in there clubs. it is disgusting. clean air is good for me second hand smoke not so much. we have two shows in mobile, alabama. the first was at a really nice club called grand central. the sound was awsome and there was alot of people out there. the owner of the club, bacon be his name, was as cool as they come man. he gave us whatever we needed and was more than happy to do so. he probably found it alittle strange that we had a free tab among five guys and only drank 2 beers and about 15 waters. tonight we are gonna play a show at a club called fabachers in mobile. it is gonna be awsome. my uncle tim and aunt lori, who has been puttin us up for the past couple of days, and my grandma mama ann are comiun to the show. mama ann gets in for free because it is ladies night at fabachers. it will be alot of fun to play for uncle tim and mama ann. wish my aunt lori could come out aswell but shes got bunko. at this time i will give uncle tim and aunt lori toursaw IV superstar awards. they have let us stay in there house, sleep in there beds, and clean in there bat hrooms. thank you so much for you hospitality, love you.

now the important stuff. the game of choice this tour is..... no not basketball, not soccer. we be playin football. the teams are beaux and i v. bone and twink with hoag as all-time quarterback. so far, it is 1 and 1. many more brutal games to come. my only hope is that beaux gets alittle better at his redzone defense. if he cant we are in big trouble, bonesaw owns him. i need him to become a clutch player not just an athletic body. cmon bro, this is only meant to improve your skills baeux. you and i are recently new teammates and i am already falling for you, lets make this work.

peace homies.

the smelly one