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UPDATES FEBRUARY 14, 2006 -Hoag's Diary All I gotta say is, as Smell was composing his little rant against me, he was constantly asking me for spelling advice. Among the corrections I made for him: The words "it" and "bad". Somehow our hero, The Smellman, had bastardized these into "in" and "dag". He's a sharp one. (Most fraggles are).JANUARY 10, 2006 - well the trip back home to momsaw and dadsaw's for christmas was a total success. played insane amounts of basketball thanks to Judge's gymnasium access to the old high school. Poop, man, you've turned into a good player. Very strong under the basket. And Judge. You and I very quickly--within about two minutes of the start of our first game as teamates--developed a ridiculous chemistry. We schooled chubsnick with those back door give and go's. Who else played, Haaz, Greco came out for a game. Heavy Haaz, you still have great court awareness, and considerable poise. and greco...strong outing underneath the hoop. The Big Fundamental. Also got some quality time with momsaw and dadsaw. kepner family tradition to play board games all night and get into arguments and talk shit to one another. hell yeah. i saw an incredible movie with bonesaw and haaz while we were home. "the squid and the whale." it's brutal. which is to say either hilarious or incredibly disturbing. Jacksaw is sleeping right beside me now. When we got back from Philly over the holidays, he wasn't around the house for the first couple of days. we had people stopping in to feed him and stuff, but when we got back he was AWOL. then one day, like a week after we got home, he just came through the door and head-butted my leg. in true spy style. just straight up "came in from the cold". he was kinda stand-offish for a few days. i think he must have been pissed about us being away for so long. it sucks because we're about to leave him again for like 2 months. but he'll have a nice home at jon and lyndsy and shirley's. watching vince young's performance was incredible. and being in austin while it's all happening. he's right up there with stevie ray vaughan and lance armstrong right about now. bones got me a new guitar for christmas. i can't remember if i mentioned this somewhere already. but i'd just like to publicly thank him, it's pretty awesome. it's a fender, all black, sounds good, not sure of the model or much of anything, i just like it. NOVEMBER 15 -i've been listening to a lot of nina simone lately. i think bonesaw gets a little freaked out when he comes home and finds me listening to these really quiet, slow, ballads and stuff. He's probably worried about where my metal's gone. But it's still there. It's still there. We've had some nasty shows recently. Smell's using the shaker a ton now, and it's sounding great. It's small, but it's important. what else, what else....we had some bangin corn muffins tonight. oh yeah, all of a sudden it got freezing today. not happy about it. OCTOBER 20, 2005 - We put up a badminton net in the backyard of Full Service HQ and it's the SHIT. i'm all about badminton right now. me and smell go against twink and saw before the jams. me and smell are up 2 games to 1. on that pace we'll have a record of like....42-21 before the next tour this january. and smell? man, he's all about the badminton too. i talked to him on the phone today and he was rappin all about that shit. we're all over at HQ tomorrow to eat dinner and go to the show at the backroom later, but fuck all that, the only thing i'm focused on right now is tomorrow's badminton match.
--hoag OCTOBER 10, 2005 - anyway, yeah, he gave me a nice, crisp high-pitched snare and a big allergies are eatin my ass UP. don't ever move to texas if you're from no worries. SEPT 13, 2005 - alright. here we GO. my first personal update in a long time. some of my thoughts: Smell's got really natty dreadlock congo-bongo-I's. Twink is made of springs. It's good to have Jack Bauer back in the house catching snakes. He's such a hero. And he signed the guesbook, which blows my mind. I sure am glad the plumbing is fixed. Why did McNabb fumble that ball? I'm getting really irritated with the CD player next to the slaying room. I'm sick of having to beat the shit out of it to get it to trigger and play a CD. I hope you're listening, you little piece of crap.
It was Momsaw's birthday a few days ago. Let's hear it for momsaw!
What I'm reading: "The Agony and The Ecstasy", by Robert Stone, about Michelangelo. Michelangelo was a total saw. All he wanted to do since 13 years old was sculpt and work with marble. That's it. He didn't wanna do anything else. People would ask him to come on a camping trip or meet some ladies, or have dinner at the Medici palace, and he'd say "No, I want to Sculp." Not even, like..."No thank you, I actually have some work I need to finish." He just said, "No, I want to sculpt." And then somebody in the Medici palace would want to comission him for a sculpture, and he'd ask "What's the theme?" and they'd say "A portrait of my wife" and Michelangelo would say "No, that's not something I want to do, I'm sorry." Even though he was broke and it would have been a fat payday. He just thought the guy's wife was bitchy and ugly, and he knew that's what his sculpture would end up conveying. What I'm listening to: Reggae. And some piano by Hank Jones. And Mastadon. But Tim took it to work and it's probably gonna stay there a long time. And for heavy tunes, I guess I pretty much just listen to us. Not on CD, just when we're jamming. I don't really listen to a lot of heavy music, besides Mastadon. It's interesting because I love to play it, I just don't listen to too much of it.
Coolest new development at the FS Headquarters: Bonesaw got me two pairs of boxing gloves and headgear for my birthday so we can wail on each other. It's a bad idea, I know. But It's fun to hit each other like that. In a "sanctioned" atmosphere, where we're EXPECTED to be fighting. I also boxed Twink though for a minute. When I asked him if head-shots were permitted he said "yeah", but his hands were still kinda low, nowhere near his head. In other words, I could easily get a good lick in, the way he was standing. So I asked him again if it was cool, and he said yeah, so I jabbed him right in the face. But that sort of woke him up and he got it going after a while. Homie's got long arms, so you gotta be careful. JULY 30, 2005 Things I’m disappointed about: Alright it’s late, I’m out. Love ya’ll July 27, 2005 - Food Food Food. Sports Sports Sports. Jam Jam Jam. Repeat. The home meals are unbelievable. Many thanks to all the mom-saw’s out there cooking for us. Gina, (Smell’s mom), we won’t get to stay at your place on tour (cause you live in Austin), but damn….your home-made power bars are fantastic. We’ve still got a few left. Rationing them, you know? So yeah, about the latest basketball death-match is today’s big news. So yesterday Judge comes over and we play some two on two. Me and Smell vs. Judge and Bone. We split a game apiece yesterday, then we had to break for dinner at homesaw. (Hamburgers and corn and salad and stuff.) So today we go back to settle the score, and me and Smell get heated up and hold onto the lead until we’re at 10-6, game point. So I drive to the basket twice, get a clear game-winning lay-up, only to have Bone ripping my arm down towards the ground, ruining a good honest drive-to-the hoop to end the game. Now I would think it’d be common sense that each player maybe has ONE foul to give without consequence, or without it being cheap. But TWICE? And once to Smell? These were clear looks at the hoop that would have sealed the deal for us, but Bonesaw decides to get all pissed after I made it 10-6 with a dribble-through-the-defender’s-legs slash to the basket. You know that’s weak Bonesaw, if that IS your real name… Man, all we DO is fight about basketball in this fucking band. I just finished that book “Bluesman” I was reading. The ending was pretty cool…it actually seemed like it could be the beginning. It is kind of….Just read it. Now I’m reading “In the Lake of the Woods” by Tim O’Brien. So far it’s pretty fuckin creepy and Bonesaw says it gets even more twisted up as you get along, so I’m down for that. I lost my beloved sunglasses today while I was playing basketball. Thanks for all the memories. I’ll get some new ones. Me and Smell have been practicing our dunks out back on my family’s 8ft hoop. We’re getting pretty good at the ally-oops. It’s all a timing issue, a good mental exercise. But young buck didn’t wear any shoes, so he tore his soles up real bad, now he’s limping around the house. Twink’s doin alright, he’s nocturnal as ever, which actually comes in handy sometimes. (driving). Bonesaw is bonesawin’ it up, doing the things that a bonesaw does. Booking shows and stuff, fighting with me. Maybe next game me and you should be on the same team. We did that for a while and we never fought, now we insist on guarding each other and we get in fights every day. There’s good things about both situations. When we guard each other I get to dribble through your legs and stuff, but when we play on the same squad, we don’t fight. We all went to see wedding crashers last night. Judge came too. He’s coming on the next leg of the tour with us. Anyway, a lot of us snuck in. Smell’s pretty talented at it. He was the first to cross enemy lines, and then me and Twink snuck in the side door. Unfortunately, if Judge and Bone had come in that side-door with us, it may have aroused too much suspicion, so they kinda took one for the team and paid. We should probably all just split the ticket costs. Smell wouldn’t agree with that. He’d call them pussies for bailing out, but they got a point actually, e’Smelly. Tim keeps walking by the computer to get more cereal. He’s walked by like 3 times. I can’t take this anymore. I gotta get outta here. I can’t let him eat all that cereal. I can’t eat more than that. July 19th, 2005-- First of all, I’m the fastest son-of-a-bitch in the band, let that be known. We just raced, and although twinky talked a lot of smack, he can’t deny the truth. I write the updates, so I don’t have much to work with here, but I’ll just post some quick facts. Today I ate a 4-egg sandwich, a harvest bar, a banana, a peanut butter and jelly, two handfuls of almonds, a salad, and some pasta. We’re staying surprisingly clean. Besides our hair. But I don’t think it looks gross or anything. Twinky’s really letting himself go, have you seen him in those pictures from the beach? Bearded P, that’s his new name. Speaking of Twink, yesterday he called me “needy”, because I kept asking for him to hand me things in the van. I thought that was funny. Shit, everyone van ride is just one big game of “can-you-pass-me-the..?” I keep thinking how lucky we are to get to swim in the ocean four days in a row. The ocean and the air gives you such a kick in the ass, makes you breath and makes you hear things differently. Your skin feels different, all powered up and solarized. I think I’m trying to say it is “revitalizing”, but that’s a stale word. Anyway go to the update now ‘cause I’m gonna write that now… JULY 15TH, 2005 - Life on the road is quite a routine. Most of what happens involves searching, waiting, asking, pointing, and driving. Searching for a grocery store, for your wallet, for Twink. Waiting for the show, the green light, for Bonesaw. Asking how to get to Roach Street, if Smell can hand you the peanut butter from the cooler. Pointing at the cumulo nimbus clouds. And driving, I don’t even need to say nothin’ about that. I was expecting to eat differently on tour, but besides from the mcdonalds chicken the first night, and some chef Boyardee here and there, I’m pretty much eating the same. Actually I’m eating all the time I think. We have a serious supply of pretzels and cereal, and fruit and eggs, Smell’s mom’s nutritional bars (“Gina Bars”), and peanut butter and jelly. Tastes as good as when I was three. I’ve actually been able to brew up some tea when we’ve had the time. So all that shit about going hungry on tour, it ain’t true. And we aren’t even spending that much. We ate at a $3.84 all-you-can-eat buffet last night and hurt ‘em pretty bad. All-you can eat? Are you kidding me? Twink’s mom took to calling him Smelly, but it’s with a Spanish accent so there’s an “e” in front of it, like “e’Smelly?” So that’s what we call him now. I’m writing this from our van. We’re driving through Florida to Tallahassee. Twink just woke up after a 3 hour nap. I’ve never seen a more confused individual in my life. It’s been five minutes and he still hasn’t gotten his wits about him. Last night was cool. We got an emergency gig at some brew pub in Montgomery, AL. The bartenders were giving us free beer, and Twink was all about it, and I think Smell had one. I drank half my pint, and Sawman had water from the get-go. I don’t know any other band that would send half-full beer bottles back to the bar at the end of the night. But fuck it. I don’t want no beer. After the show we came back and cooled out for a while, then accompanied Twink across the street to Waffle House so he could ask for some honey. He won’t eat a peanut-butter sandwich without honey. They obliged and filled part of a Styrofoam cup. There was a juke-box in there but no music was playing, so while we were waiting for Twink , Smell and I staged a mini-takeover and put on some dancehall song by Buju Banton. By the way, Twink and Smell have been sharing a bed in the motels, and I don’t know about ya’ll but I think it’s funny that Twink sleeps with all his clothes on. I think sleeping with Smell kinda grosses him out. I’m talking belt and everything. Update 7-2-2005 "Toursaw" approaches. The list of shit to do is getting smaller. I have a lot to do with that, I’m not ashamed to say. Bonesaw has most to do with it. Then Twink, then Smell. He really didn’t do all that much. Bonesaw brought that up in the pre-tour “airing of grievances.” My grievance to Bonesaw was that he’s an asshole. And his grievance with me was that my grievance wasn’t very constructive. Ha. This is gonna be great. BOOK: The Bluesman, by Andre Dubus III. It’s about a 17 year-old kid who falls in love for the first time….with music and with the prettiest girl he’s ever seen in his life. I’m not very far, but it’s awesome. His writing is exactly what it’s like. Everything. MOVIE: Shit, I’ve been watching a lot of movies lately. War of the Worlds was cool until the end. Everybody’s right. The end sucks. I recently watched the first Batman movie again. Man, that movie is freaky. CDS: The Rockers soundtrack and a Billy Holiday CD. Lots of Led Zeppelin as well. That about covers everything, no? SPORTS: Man, we’ve been playing a lot of basketball recently. Smell would be good if he wanted it more, if he took it stronger and played more aggressive. (“psssh, whatEVER, Hoag, I will DROP you!”) Yeah. Right. Sit down. We’ll be bringin the ball on tour. You never know when you’ll encounter a basketball hoop. One of the things I’m most looking forward to about the tour is staying in hotels. Not many people know this, but I love hotels. It feels like another world, and who doesn’t like to leave this world every now and then? One of the other things is eating breakfast inside Tony (our van, and if you don’t know by now that Tony is our van, then please make a note, I wanna stop referring to him as “Tony the van” and just start calling him “Tony.”) Anyway, we bought an electric frying pan that we can plug into the car lighter-plug (which I got a 3-prong converter for). That’s gonna be fun. I wonder how Tony likes his eggs. Before I go, I’d like to say that my favorite pair of hi-tops have finally become unwearable. I made a quick cut driving to the hoop, and a good amount of leather got torn up. I really loved those shoes. I’m going to miss them even if they think I’m not.
Until next time… Update 6-22-05 First of all, yes, we're playing a lot of ball lately (basket), and Smell is trying to decieve you when he says he's "schooling" me. Quite the opposite I would say. Basketball is a really fun game to play. Especially when you can do whatever you want to your defender. Yup. Eat it, Smell. And while I'm talkin' all the shit, let me spit some at you Bonesaw. You didn't bring any punch to your game today, and you got mad at me for being too aggressive. I quoth Weezer...."Say it ain't so." Just kidding, I was a little fired up. But after I calmed down, you still didn't come with anything. (Bone adds: "because i was scared you were going to literally kill me with a tomahawk chop across my face as i went up for a board.") Anyway, we had some filthy jams recently in the slaying room. Bonesaw's been recording them actually, I think we're gonna try to get some clips of them up on the site. Also really into the NBA playoffs. Detroit forced a game 7 tonight. Incredible ball being played, I think. I'm standing by my prediction that the Pistons will take the title. And again, sorry Lex. Pretty siked to see Batman Begins. Don't tell me anything. Man, I can't wait to quit our fuckin jobs and go on tour. And Smell's right, we gotta go out in style.... Going home this weekend for the wedding of an old friend of me and bone's who we actually used to jam with back in the nascent stages of Full Service. Kevin Downes, "Double", congratulations my man! Also can't wait to see our nephew and nieces when we're home. It will be our first time meeting the newborn, Caroline. Until next time....
----Hoag Update 5-25-2005 Since we last spoke, I've become obsessed with Ray Charles. (Yes, I jumped on the bandwagon after I saw the movie, who cares). My favorite song of his is whatever song is playing at that particular moment. It's that kind of obsession. Drown in My own Tears, Busted, Let's Go Get Stoned, Mint Julep. I just saw a PBS special on him which was fantastic. one guy said that ray's voice sounds like he's got broken organ pipes inside him, and i thought that was dead on. it creaks and cracks and shrieks, i love it. not to mention the feel he has on the piano. someone on that special was talking about how slow ray sets his tempos, like on "Drown in My own Tears." The guy called it "death tempo." I thought that was perfect. anyway, some other new stuff with me....I just finished two good books worth reading. One was called "The Kite Runner" by Kahlid Hosseini, and the other was called "Los de Abajo" by....hmm, who was that by? what else have I been up to? it's hot as fuck in austin this time of year, so there's been lots of swimming at the springs. We got a new frisbee (the other one fell down a sidewalk drain--my mistake, but Bone probably could have gotten to it, he just has no range.) The booking for the tour is going well...we have 12 dates booked, about 18 to go. I have the Pistons and the Spurs going to the NBA finals (big surprise), and the Pistons are gonna take it again. (Sorry Lex). Bonesaw and I have been thinking about making our entire back yard a big sandbox, so it'd be like the beach, but after doing the math, we concluded it would be too expensive. ($7,000 is too expensive). In other news, Twinky works too much for those posh-baldheads at The Four Seasons, and we haven't jammed yet this week. Who thinks he should quit his job? Show of hands....that's what i thought. Then you can grow that beard again, Sir Twinks. Some new trivia: I am allergic to avocado I am awesome at the jumble in the games section of the paper Give me 5 minutes with you and I'll have a dead-on impersonation of your voice, walk, mannerisms, the whole deal. You should see my twinky-p I drink at least 6 cups of green tea a day. keeps the motherfuckin doctor away I am the only one that feeds our cat jack bauer. Bone never does it. He does a lot of things. A lot. But not that. It's impossible to break my drums because they're already broken. Sprint is the devil. Update 3/22/05 I’m just taking a break from trying to memorize some vocals. I got bitched out by the Saw the other day for not remembering the vocals to a lot of the songs. I hereby publicly acknowledge…I have a “remembering-lyrics problem.” A lot of the times I just scat or hum a tune because I forget the lyrics…but I really should sing the words. Argh! The Saw, right once again! But whatever man, you stink. I always win in physical fights. And basketball. You have one move man. Drive (slowly) to the lane, pull up, dunk under, pivot, duck again, then up for a layup. But it never gets that far. ANY way… The jams with Twinkpiece have been great. The guy is such a badass musician. Intimate with the groove and you know he don’t lose. I’m picking UNC taking the ncaa championship. Any thoughts? I think Barry Bonds is the biggest asshole in the history of sports. Comments? The Sixers beat the CRAP out of the Pistons tonight on ESPN. Iverson is a hero to me. He is—in some strange way—an inspiration that I feel our band manifests musically. Speaking of inspiration…throwing the Frisbee with someone on a big open field is one of life’s greater experiences. Usually before we jam we all get together at a local intramural field (over on St. Edward’s campus for all you south Austinites) and huck the disc for a good 30 minutes. I’m talking grand, lofty, 90 yard throws. Any time you can throw a Frisbee is that amount of time of zen. I said it’s late and kinda silent is the face The moon the dipper and the whole rest of space…. ---Hoag |
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