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NAME: Tim "Bonesaw" Kepner * DOB: February 24, 1978 * BORN: Philadelphia, PA * INST: Guitar / MC
EMAIL: Bone@fullservicemusic.com |
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UPDATES AUGUST 6, 2006 - My friend Frenchie recently forwarded me an email that Hoag had sent to him a while back about a certain incident we experienced one night back in Philly. It was too good - i had to post it here: this, which will one day be recognized as one of the greatest emails in history. I encourage you to share this story with all of your fans. Enjoy. FT ---------- Forwarded message ---------- Date: Wed, 23 Aug 2000 17:24:03 -0400 (EDT) From: To: ccfalzon@amherst.edu Subject: a fucking bat Last night my brother and i woke up cause my mom was screaming, and the next thing we know my dad is coming into our room (tim and i share a room) and he hits on the light and goes "there's a bat in your bathroom". It was like 3:30 am and i was scared absolutely shitless. I am really ashamed of the way i reacted. My brother and my dad went downstairs to get brooms. my mom and i hid in my parents room and shut all the doors. I think we even locked the door. but bats can collapse their skeleton or some wierd shit like that and get under doors. so me and my mom were freaking out. i was being the BIGGEST P**** EVER. i kept asking my dad and tim "aren't you guys scared. you are so brave!" Anyway, they went in me and tim's bathroom (which is attached to our room) while my mom and i were standing in another room looking all around us for bats and cringing. So then we heard all this commotion in my bathroom and we yelled "what's happening" and tim yells "dad;s got him pinned under my Slash poster cut-out.....Dad dont hurt Slash!!!" So the bat was under this slash cut-out in the tub. and then we hear a lot of whacking and slamming of hard plastic against tub. so tim starts laughing and says everything is taken care of so my mom and i go and see what's up. My dad comes out of the bathroom looking like he's about to throw up. We ask tim what happened and he could barely speak because he was laughing so hard: "Dad pinned him down with his broom and then i threw him my broom. So dad starts....hahahahaha....he starts whackin the bat with my broom and the bat'snlike...'meemeemeepemeepemee' [tim does a surprisingly good immitation of a small bat] and then the bat fucking makes this squash noise and...hahahahaha...so then dad....hahahahaha....comes out like green." [tim;s like crying in laughter now]. Then my dad goes "That was so FUCKING disgusting" and he repeats that like five times in the next two minutes. "I feal like throwing up". So tim breaks out his camera and starts taking pictures of my dad with the dead bat and everything. THe bat was just dead though. It wasn't really squished and there was no blood. So this morning we had to take it out of the trash (where my dad put it last night) and wrap it up in a plastic bag and put it in a box for this "animal courrier" to take to a rabies testing clinic. Anyway that's it. I couldn't sleep at all after that, i was so fucking scared. i lay in bed for five hours ABSOLUTELY FROZEN in fear.---Hoag JULY 26, 2006 -Yesterday i got knocked unconcious for the first time in my WHOLE life. it was a bizarre experience - and thinking about it, i can't believe it's never happened before! hoag and i were playing back-yard soccer (which is the sport du jour) and the game had just started. i had scored early on a nutmeg and was up 1-0 (although i have to admit that i've lost 3 in a row after winning 2 straight). i kicked a shot that bounced off the goal (or the top of the bench that stands as a goal) and it went straight up. hoag knee-juggled it into the air and we both went up for it as a header. he gave a forceful rhinocerous-style head butt with the front of his head, missed the ball, but crashed the HELL out of my left temple. i woke up 30 seconds later in a pile of fire ants with Twinky pouring cold water on my face. hard as i tried, we just had to postpone the rest of the game until later in the evening. my vision regained clarity about 30 minutes later. still jammed that day though! in other news, the guitar lessons business is going very well. i've got about 13 students, but some of them come and go on vacations and whatnot. it's definitely helped me work harder on the band as i'm only working three days a week on lessons and have the other four to do band things and actually have a social life. do you need lessons? check out our lessons website! new music is pouring out of me after a long drought. it's always frustrating that i hit major song-writing zones immediately after we finish a new album because we haven't even ushered in the new tunes on the album and now there's about six more ready to get out. grrrr. the waiting list is long to get into the FS set. hoag and i are both having a "Faith No More" attack these days. those guys were awesome. MAY 31, 2006 -i'm in the White Whale driving through tennessee here at 8:40pm. been in this van oh, about 12 hours today heading back to texas. the AC was making the Whale's blood pressure rise too much, and going through the Smokey Mountains we were all freaked out that he might overheat, but we made it. now that the evening has set it, he's much calmer. thank GOD. i couldn't handle another breakdown like what happened to Tony on our first tour. remember that? twink is asleep on the 'middle bench.' hoag is looking even more monstrous as usual with his skull-cap looking thing on his head, sunglasses, necklace, and high tops. listening to a CD. it could be Mastodon or it could be Nina Simone. that's Hoagman for ya. Smellman, fresh of finishing the Da Vinci Code, is back there contemplating his next read. and aimee is driving - her first time - kicking major ass. she's still searching for her FS Superpower - perhaps driving is it. for all y'all who don't know, the official FS Superpowers are: HOAG: backing up the van, especially with trailer, and parallell parking. SMELLMAN: all of the senses, especially eyesight (finding road signs), smell, and overall sense of things. and direction. TWINK: night driving. BONESAW: packing the van and lifting heavy things. also under consideration: LOPEY: getting into trouble AIMEE: driving in general? what is up with me? well now that i have cut WAY back on my work time at Sumpter & Gonzalez, i'm starting to get into giving guitar lessons like the Hoagman does drum lessons to support myself. anyone want guitar lessons? email me! i'm reading "For Whom the Bell Tolls" by Hemmingway. I bought myself a new shirt. that was a big thing. I'm still on a serious high from our time spent with my brother Ty last week in Boston when he pitched against the Red Sox media team and did so well and we got to have a catch in the outfield. my bro ty is a great guy. we get out of touch sometimes. we're not as close as we could be - and we're still pretty darn close. TY! great job on the mound bro. see you soon, i hope. more later. . . . BONESAW MAY 16, 2006 -Bam diggle it's your boy bonesaw gettin his scribble on! or something like that. i can't be like Twink. he's too wierd. I'm in philly now at the PA-FS-HQ in the middle of TourSaw III, which at the moment isn't feeling like so much of a tour as it is a lot of driving and planning. we had to unfortunately cancel a show last night in Boston and we're all kinda bummed about that, but we did save a HUGE amount of driving and time by not going. they're all flooded up there. i am currently into obsessions: obsessed with getting FS signed to a great label, with running at least six miles a day and playing baskeball, with Mastodon, with my girl (laugh at me if you want, hoag smell and twink! y'all are just jealous). on the basketball frontier, Twink and I had our first EVER victory over Smell and Hoag (keep in mind, we play at least five days a week for the past 8 months or so) the other day and yesterday we took the series, 2 of 3 games! hoag was his usual MONSTER OF RAGE out there, and my lower back is feeling the pain as a result (he's got one bony ass), but Twink was absolutely on fire. aparrently he doesn't know that he prances around after he makes a shot. he was prancing around a lot yesterday. reading: "Body and Soul" by Frank Conroy. loving it writing: a lot of letters, "WordSaw" FS magazine (email me so you can get your free copy) listening: Mastodon "Remission," and a mix with some cool songs like "Trigger Happy Jacky" by Poe and that Buffalo Tom song from "My So Called Life" on it. feeling: pretty damn good. the sun just came out, which makes it tough for me to work, but i love going out to play! cooking: HUGE dinners for the band and the family - baked ziti with meat, veggies, and cheese last night and my old standby chicken with healthy french fries for mother's day. best quote of the tour, but our friend Mark, after i faked him out driving to the hoop: "nice ball fake bone. i fouled you with my nuts on your shoulder!" - BONESAW MARCH 13, 2006 - i'm sittin here with my brotha hoag workin on the computers here. this boy hoag is a myspace MACHINE. "dude, do you think i do too much mypace? i think it's worthwhile. . ." he commented recently. speaking of hoagman, i had a crucial realization the other day. we're always at each other about keeping the house clean (guess who wants what). so here's how it goes at FS-HQ: every night i cook us HUGE healthy meals, finely prepared with nutrition and care. hoag is supposed to clean the dishes (which he does) and wipe the counters and empty the strainer (which he doesn't do). so i was cleaning the sink with some disenfectant and he goes "dude, why are you always cleaning the sink and shit?" it's called 'bacteria,' hoagman. . . i'm scared of what that boy would live like solo. what else. . . i'm busy as hell. SXSW going down this week and we got 4 shows in 3 days. not bad. not as hardcore as Toursaw II, but pretty cool. i'm ready to get on with the next stage of our career. hoping to get signed and on the road again pretty soon. i sent out an email to the FS email list and got like 5 replies to remove them from the email list. HARSH! i shouldnt' take offense, but you know how it goes. i just want to be loved! haha. still obsessed with Mastodon happy that my neck is healed happy that my girl is in town waiting for baby Doot to make an appearance excited that i have held on to my title as "strongest brother" after defeating Hoag in an epic arm wrestle battle on saturday really into my new ipod shuffle. the miles go by a lot quicker on my runs. ultimate frisbee with our new friend Rob S. bam diggle! hating the fumes in my face on my morning bike ride i'm pretty fuckin offended by the size of some of these pick up trucks here in TX reading "Eragon" by some 15 year old wiz just wait till you hear the new sawngs. . . BONESAW! FEBRUARY 21, 2006 - My friend Frenchie is one hell of a guy. He always give me good advice when i need it bad. Go Frenchie. Good luck in Florida! "Remember when you used to come home after games bitching about how you would be smoking p-rods right at people and couldn't get on base, but by the end of the season, you realized that you had hit over .300? Very few people remember that you had those huge slumps. They only remember that you killed the ball senior year. So relax." Here's something else I like, from Sasha Cohen at the Olympics tonight. It's tough to push yourself outised of routine and comfort. But you have to do it. "If you do what you're always done, you'll get what you've always gotten." My birthday is this friday February 24 and I'm going back to Philadelphia to see aimee and my parents. it can't come soon enough. Today was my first day back at Sumpter-Gonzalez and it was badass. as expected, everything was totally different there - always moving forward. bad ass firm. check them out. FEBRUARY 7, 2006 - I have a great dad: "It's not whether, but when, you will be successful. Just keep believing in yourself. Like we said during your sophomore trip with Fiver to Florida, if you (i) love what you are doing, (ii) believe in yourself, (iii) keep practicing to get better and (iv) stay prepared for the break, when the time comes, you'll be ready and, bam, you will move into the starting line up (the next level). That life lesson applies here as it did with Amherst baseball." Love, Dad FEBRUARY 3, 2006 -Driving to Paso Robles. Well, I’m not driving anymore, but I was. Sun is setting over some serious mountains, but there has been a really really thick haze in the air and nobody can figure it out. We’re not near any metropolitan area. What the hell? I’m learning on this tour, that’s what’s going on. Learning about my band mates, about the music business, and about pollution. I’m learning about what to do and what not to do when booking a tour, planning out trips, getting on the radio and getting media attention. I’m just learning how a band goes from here . . . . . . . . . to HERE. I’m also learning about relationships. And long distance. And being drawn in different directions. And how to go on very little sleep (you get used to it, surprisingly. Dad and Gonzo – I’ll be up, or down as the case may be – to your level soon). I wrote a good start to a song in the parking lot at Arizona State and it’s going to be a gem. It’s the only time I’ve sat down to just play when we’re not on stage because this riff HAD to come out and it did ‘with the quickness’ as Twink would say. Someday it will surface from under the 10 story structure that is the waiting list to get in the Full Service set. We are working so much harder on this tour than on the last one. There are NO breaks and no rest stops at home like there were last time. No MomSaw and DadSaw. No Pinsky’s and Marsha and all of our friends back at home. No aimee and no swimming in the ocean. Thank god for Mark and Megan and Joe Lopez and cousin Matt and Donna and Cousin Andrew. And thank goodness for the cooler people we are meeting, like Kat Parsons and G-Unit at KBEACH and Paul in Ventura and Moe in Phoenix and Mark at diPiazza’s in Long Beach and Sequoia in Laguna Beach. They make up for the surprising number of jackasses we’ve run into (like the People United in Santa Monica and the crappy Emo bands at Alpine Ventura). We’re balling like crazy these days. It’s always Hoag and Smell and Twink and I. I love Twink, and he’s getting better, but we’ve lost every time. I get doubled every freakin play and stuffed more than my fair share. I bet it’s making Hoag feel all high and mighty. YOU try playing against the double team every play? He does make an insanely high percentage of shots from the floor. I gotta give him that. So what do we talk about in the White Whale? Well, there’s a lot of ragging on Hoagman for his farts. They are earth shaking. Twink today was talking about the daydreams he was having as he sat next to me on this trip. Every time I asked him what he was daydreaming about, it always involved pot or internet gambling. I mean, I asked him like 5 or 6 times. Every time we see a long downhill, Lope and Smell talk about longboarding down it and what the chances of eating shit are. There’s a lot of discussion about who is the worse city driver – Lope or Twink (Twinky Poo is the reigning champ, in case you were wondering). And I mostly just have to tell them all what to do! Run every day. That’s pretty much how I’m living my life. BONESAW JANUARY 29, 2006 -I am at the Black Dog coffee shop on Wilshire Blvd. in Los Angeles California. To me, that's kinda wierd. It's Sunday morning and we're in the middle of our 14 shows in 12 days run - the most intense portion of TourSaw II. So far, it's a whole new set of challenges and experiences than the last tour. Last night's show at diPiazza's was pretty good - a very cool club and GREAT pizza (which they gave to us for free, along with drink tickets, most of which went to our resident drinker LopeySaw). We had a good crowd there, especially cool cause our cousin Matt and his girlfriend Donna were there. I'm a little grr cause it was the second night in a row where the booker of the club moved us to last on the set list. it's pretty much common sense / good form to put the touring band between local bands - NEVER first or last, because that's the only way to expose the touring band to a new crowd. Clubs in Austin always do it that way - Chris at the Flamingo taught me that lesson - but so far not the case in LA. But screw it, we still blazed the stage, sold CD's, and had a good performance. "Goonies" was particularly nasty. We're trying to figure out ways to fully takeover this LA scene that right now seems so foreign. should we do takeovers in high school parking lots? more college takeovers? should we try to run up on some record label offices and demand a listen and a record deal? try to get some in-store performances at the local radio stations and CD stores? mmmm it all takes a lot of planning and time and risk. well, the only risk is it not working - that's why takeovers are so great. they never put you in jail or anything, and they usually don't stop it at all. i like to think that nobody raises a finger at us because our music is so pleasing - i don't think some screamo band would do as well playing on Bruin Walk at UCLA! It's also difficult to get everyone up and moving and working when we're out until 3am every night playing and driving and loading and unloading. hmmmm the challenges of the road. luckily i've got hoagman who is a machine in his dedication and the other guys too (although those monkeys need some more prodding). ya hear that smell, lope, twink?! get your asses up - i've already been here working for two hours! haha. I think for the next tour, i've learned two important things as far as booking and planning. I mean, hopefully soon we won't have to book our own and we'll have some management / label support, but in case we do: a) only book thursday/friday/saturday shows at clubs and make sure to do it with other local bands. go through the bands, like we're doing with AFRO in Paso Robles and MudSoc in Alameda. On the other days, it's TAKEOVER every day at a different school. College campuses and high schools are the way to go. b) NEVER accept a playing-last or playing-first time slot. Bam Diggle. So far the road hasn't gotten to me - i've still run every day and we're eating as well as we can. every time we order food the waitress always says "wow, healthy guys, huh?" damn right! doing pushups and pullups gets pretty boring after a while, however. I just shaved my beard and mustache off. the guys haven't seen it yet, but i'm sure i'm in for 'the treatment' when i get back to the house. good thing i'm bonesaw and i can whup all their asses at once! haha. hoag might take issue with that statement. he's getting all uppity rolling up his shirt sleeve and comparing his arms to mine saying 'dude, i am SO going to surpass you in the next week.' what a chump. let's run a race. (doesn't help that my girlfriend commented that 'hey, your brother is more cut than you.' thanks. just what i want to hear. ya hear that aimee?! i'm putting it in the update and there's nothing you can do about it!). and that raises another complicated issue - putting up honest and uncensored updates when we all know that our mothers and closest friends are reading it every day. MomSaw has already laid down the law on Hoag's last update. What do you think Snoop Dogg's mom must have thought?! i really need to get back to work. . . BONESAW IS READY! JANUARY 19, 2006 - Happy Birthday, Twinky-P! We're 15 miles out of El Paso on our way back from Albuquerque, New Mexico. The show last night pretty much sucked - the bar staff was uncool and the people didn't exactly come out in huge numbers. I had a bad day in general, although we had fun with TourSaw II All Star Andrew Sage - a long lost cousin of ours. Maybe the coolest thing about touring is the unexpected people you meet and experiences you have. Reconnecting with him is at the top of the list. He put us up in his apartment, showed us all around town, and gave us the inside tip on where all the Bo Ding congregates for giving out demos and flyers. y'all should SEE LopeySaw giving out stuff and promoting the tour on his longboard. He cruised up between two military cadets - all decked out in full uniform - 'Gentlemen! Do you have big plans tonight? Wanna 'get served?' The didn't show up, but ya gotta love Lope's effort. El Paso is pretty disgusting. Mexico, which is like .5 miles from us now, must be burning it's entire country at the moment because the air is THICK with white smoke. If you know me, then you know that that does NOT bring joy to my life. Heavy shows, pink flowers, 'cruising with my homies' . . . the journey continues. . . JANUARY 10, 2006 - I have never been happier in my whole life. The world of bonesaw is one filled with joy. Everything ‘brings joy to my life’ these days. My god, look at things? The band just played the best show of our career at the Flamingo last weekend. Holy SHIT that was awesome. Check out the tour diary for hoag’s review of the show and a tight picture of the crowd and stage. We’re about to tour the west coast, for god’s sake! I just got incredible news from my two of my closest friends david and corinne when they asked me to be the godfather of their child (“doot” due in March). I can’t even describe how honored I am by that. I think if Slash asked me to guest appear on one of his albums, it might equal the feeling. The weather is incredible, I can run for hours and hours, we got titanium badminton request for Christmas and we’re playing more fiercely than ever. The football playoffs are on. I feel invincible on guitar. Twink’s got a girlfriend! Hoag and I are writing songs many many every day and having fun planning this tour and talking shit and watching Alias. We’ve been meeting awesome people this winter – from Jake and Lek to Constanza and Grant and the dudes from Redefining the Moment to Adam the sound guy at Flamingo and Moe at Bad Stain Records in Phoenix and seeing all our homies over break – frenchie, poop, pete, pants, Greco, Julie, brook, rob, chez. And my nieces and nephew MAN I love them. And momsaw and dadsaw and all that. I know, this isn’t very rock star or me, but fuck it. I’m happy. But that’s all together only about 1% of why I’m feeling so good. . . the rest is between me and her. DECEMBER 24, 2005 - Merry Christmas eve! Back in philly now, playing sports and doing Christmas things. I just wanted to quickly share with you one of the funniest emails I've ever gotten. From my friend Pete (Judge, General of the Service, etc). You might not get it all, but it had me on the floor: with poop, but I think I may be in line for some treatment when you guys get back here. I'll try to make up for it with gym space and hustle. Deal? I just followed my new daily routine of coming home, turning on the lights, turning up the volume on the stereo and pressing play on SAWGNS. We just keep it in the cd player. Dudes, you know how I told you that I sometimes have these moments where I just feel like it's absolutely going to happen for you guys? That there is just no way that you won't be huge? I get that every time I play the cd - as per previous statement...everyday. Bottom line, congrats, it sounds "stormy." (I got that from your cd cover. I've started using it in daily conversation as a synonym of sweet. It can be a little ambiguous though: "Man, it's going to be a stormy day." "They have a real stormy relationship." I should probably just stick to dank.) Anyway, that's pretty stormy that you guys are coming home next week. Tomorrow is my last day of school, so I'm ready for whatever we can cook up sportswise. Personally - and this is not a joke AT ALL - all I've been able to think about is Cirque du Sport. I have unsuccessfully tried to use our domination of the circuit as motivation for my teams, but it still works on me. That was one of my proudest moment as an Association athlete. So, good luck with the show tomorrow, and give me a call when you're ready for some activity. Oh, and don't forget your booties cause it's COLD out there. Yesterday, as I was standing outside at morning carline (don't ask), a parent drove up and said her car thermometer read 4 degrees. Thank god for the field house. Peace. Arbiter of All Things DECEMBER 11, 2005 -As usual, I’m always so busy doing everything else for the band that I neglect my own page. Geez – nothing since October 10. I’m pathetic. It’s an exciting time for me. I feel like I finally have the CD and band that I’ve always dreamed of and now it’s just up to us to navigate the game to get it out to as many people as possible. I really believe in this band. I really love Hoag and Twink and Smell and I just can’t see it not working out. What am I saying – it already worked out! If I die tomorrow, I would be proud of what we’ve accomplished. Hoag and I worked on a bunch of new songs this week. We had some recording problems and are going to try again so that we can have some rough recordings to post here – we’re always writing. We also got into a huge fight as we were trying to record vocals. It bothers me to no end that the ONLY person I fight with – literally – is the person I’m closest to. Isn’t that odd? I guess in talking to some friends about it, it really isn’t that odd. Perhaps “annoying” is a better word for it. I love ya hoag – respect you more than any other – so I hope ya know it. Aww. But I’ll whip your ass in badminton any day. On a personal level, I’ve got everything but one going for me. My friend Ron Hollis got married this weekend and although it was freakin freezing cold, we had a great time. Ron was my first friend in Austin – I’m happy for you man. But this dude is a TOTAL MANIAC. There are NO lines that he will not cross – just don’t try hitting on any girls while he’s in the room. He will embarrass you until you cry. I know. I tried last night! Anyway, I’m healthy, in better shape than ever, writing good songs, enjoying the last few weeks of my job at the badass law firm I work for, and excited to go home for Christmas. My friend Aimee is back in town – but that’s not any of your business! My favorite people this week: Lynsevil, Shirley and Jon – they gave me this cool red hat today Gonzo – some killer tennis yesterday, man. Someday you’ll beat me. Twink and Smell – cause I always love those guys Justin aka Kabootle – good to see you again yesterday. When are you gonna join the crew? Alison F-B – she helped me a lot at work last week. I owe ya one. Joel Sko – homeboy came over and sang Christmas carols with us last week Becky B – great art show opening on Friday! www.rebeccabennettartworks.com Aimster – the pumpkin choco bread is still nourishing me daily Jack Bauer – I have the coolest cat ever Enough for now. I need to shower cause I’m feeling cold in this frigid house. Get SAWNGS for god’s sake! BONESAW OCTOBER 10, 2005 - It's f'n awesome, and that's all I have to say about it. Here's some quick questions - if anyone knows the answers to them, please help a 'saw out, will ya? a. why is hoag so viciously mean to me in the jam room? b. where can i get a 15 passenger van in good shape for under $5,000? c. when is the next Robert Jordan book going to finally come out? d. What ever happened to Tighty? Give us a shout, oh Tight one. e. Where are all the sororities or fraternities that might want a rasful four-piece to play their parties? f. what am i going to do for thanksgiving? Ahh I gotta get back to work. Plus the Yankees are on. I have to root for them (against my wishes) so that my brother can be at home more during the World Series (he's the Yankees baseball writer for the NY Times and b/c my Dad gets to go to a game if they make it. Damn). BONESAW! SEPTEMBER 24, 2005 - WORKING: on booking the winter 2006 tour, learning the intricacies of the criminal justice system, our new press kit, finding a producer to mix our EP. AUGUST 23, 2005 - I love Hoag I love Twink I love Smell I loved TourSaw 2005, like nobody will ever understand. It’s all over now – Hoag and I arrived on Nantucket yesterday for some seriously well deserved and overdue rest. And I don’t just mean physical rest – although I am physically exhausted to my core. It’s more psychological rest. All the planning and booking and dealing with little problems since like March. I put a ridiculous amount of work into making this tour happen – from way back over Christmas 2004 when I started telling people that we were going to go on tour in the summer so that everybody would be expecting it and there would be no way that I could back out, not do it, or fail at the task. I made sure that I had no other option but to succeed. I was fuckin terrified for a while there – when nobody was answering the phones at the clubs I was calling, when no booking agents would e-mail me back, and when some of my friends who were helping get us shows were taking a long time (Pants, Chaz, Warren – y’all came through HARDCORE in the end, believe me). I remember being in an office meeting at Sumpter & Gonzalez where I work and talking about how scared I was that I wouldn’t like the lifestyle. I’m a pretty picky, healthy eater. I’m very particular about exercising every day. I like going to bed eary, I don’t like cigarette smoke (I found along the way that all the bars in the NorthEast have banned smoking inside long ago – how cool is that?), I detest alcohol and it’s effects. And I’m overall a pretty shy person. All things that would be acutely challenged while on the road. One thing I never worried about was whether we’d be able to deliver like only we can. I mean, rolling up in a totally unknown town to a new bar we’ve only (maybe) seen pictures of online, the four of us walked in every time feeling like the place had no idea how hard it was about to Get Served. Everywhere we went, we went with supreme confidence in our nastiness and our purpose, and MAN it paid off. Everywhere we went, people knew right away we were different. We even sold some CD’s to people who met us on the street and just liked our look. Hoag and Smell and Twink are absolute animals about approaching strangers to promote the band. I’m considerable more reserved (hey, but I gave out the first 4 flyers in Boston, guys), but I’m also the one who sets it all up. gets the demos and flyers together, makes the plan, makes the copied, makes the posters, the whole bit. So I’m not slouching off by any means. I need to be more outgoing, no doubt about that, though. Where was I going with that again? Oh yea, I remember. How I was feeling before we left. Well you know what, TourSaw fucking rocked. I’ve never felt better in my whole life. It’s like I was explaining to my friend yesterday – I’ve never felt like my dream was so in my control and so attainable than I do now. I still have that restless feeling that I’ve always had, but not like I used to have while proctoring study hall as a teacher, or when I was by myself working for Slave Drive Miguel in Austin heaving heavy pots onto my shoulders all day long. Not the way I used to feel when Hoag and I would jam in the Davenport College basement at Yale and we’d be writing sick tunes like “Battleship” and “Crunch Dip” and “Boons w. Boards” and I knew we had something so nasty, but I also knew that it was up to me to do something with it. Now I know I’m doing what I’m supposed to be doing. Now I know that I can lead a band across the country and reach many many people with our songs. It’s only a matter of time until someone with the power sees us and takes us to the next lever. So yea, I love my band. I love Twink and Hoag and Smell. I think we’re nasty and I’m not afraid to say so. But I’m forever indebted to my friends who went crazy helping us along the way. I won’t name everyone here, but know that I’m sure we’ll lean on y’all again some day, so hopefully you’ll still be down. And when we’re whuppin ass all over the country and on the charts, y’all can be right there with us. In other news, I’m eagerly awaiting news from Twink and Smell about what’s going to happen in Mississippi. Mississippi Erin and Twink will be reunited after all this time. Will sparks fly? What the hell is Smell going to do while they’re there? Will The Silver Bullet – beef or choice for TourSaw 2005 – be a key player once again for Sir Twink? In even more news, the Phillies are ahead of the Astros by ½ game in the Wild Card race. If ever there was any doubt that I’m not a Texan yet – GO PHILLIES! That’s all for now. It’s time to go to the beach. BONESAW! AUGUST 3, 2005 - I’m driving through Providence, RI. We just went through 3 States in about 45 minutes and Twink and Smell are trippin’ out! We spent last night at my Aunt Mary Ellen and Uncle Sal’s house. GOD they have a beautiful home. Old Lyme Connecticut – can’t beat it in the summer time. Unless you’re on Cape Cod or Nantucket – which is where we’re going! Reuniting with some of my favorite old students the Bellingraths for two days and a killer show. I’ve been looking forward to these shows almost as much as those Philly shows that just happened. Ooh, here comes a police man. None of us like cops. Go on by, RI State Police Officer – we don’t have Gonzo and Corinne up here looking after our backs, so we gotta be extra careful. . . While I’m all over TourSaw, of course, my mind is quickly moving onto the next steps – making this shop-it-to-the-labels demo with Villican and Hook, hiring a music lawyer and getting signed, planning out January 2006 Southwest TourSaw and spring 2006 East Coast tour as well. This shit is addictive. Anyone know a reputable and well connected Entertainment Lawyer who I should check out? We’re in the market. I miss Jon and Gil and Gonzo and Colin and Joel and Dal and Randy and Ilianauaua and Corinne and Alison and Kegger and Carlos and Crissy and Drunk Jeff and everyone. Now I’m screwed – I used to only have to miss people when I went to Texas, but now I miss people when I LEAVE Texas. This could get out of hand the more we travel, the more good people we meet. I think Twink is going to marry Mississippi Erin. They’re on the phone like every five minutes. All of a sudden, all three of these hosers have something in mind, something going on. I’m sick of everyone telling me I “look skinny” or “dropped some weight.” Fuckin shit, there’s no weight rooms on the road and it’s not like I can cook chicken and fish in the van. Geez, lay off! By the way, Hoag feels real good about beating me one on one, but I didn’t see him out at the track running 18 200M repeats in 33 seconds each that morning at 8am. Loser. Go ahead, laugh ARG – I’m gonna live to be 100! Cape Cod here we come. The Pounding Waves of FULL SERVICE meet the Pounding Waves of the Atlantic Ocean. Who will win?! Perhaps this one’s not a competition and we’ll all live happily ever after. . . I rarely have time to write my own updates because i'm alwasy doing someone else's on the website, but i have something else to say that is very sad and troubling, especially after the news of our friend Martha. I found out yesterday that one of my former students and players from my teaching days - a sophomore and junior on my baseball team and sometimes workout partner - OD'd on heroin last week and died. what the FUCK is going on? He was a troubled kid and even I couldn't get through to him to well, but i never thought he'd go out like that. couldn't have been even 21 years old yet. Anyway, I don't want to dwell on it, but I'm sorry for you, A.S. JULY 19, 2005 - “Mean Martha” Bollinger—loyal FS fan and AIA member—died last Saturday night. Hit by a drunk driver. Got the news from Josh in the van. This is a terrible tragedy and I hereby dedicate Toursaw 2005 to Martha. We’ll keep everything “coming up roses,” Martha! On a lighter note, signing autographs is a bizarre and new experience that is happening more and more. Hoag and I sold a CD to a pro-piano player who worked at the Ice-Cream shop and he had us sign the CD and the wall of the store. Crazy. One more thing. Twinky-P is an animal on the highway-driving, but a complete and utter fool in town/city navigating. JULY 16, 2005 - When I went to check out of the hotel this morning in Tallahassee I gave the woman the key and she said “ok, you can check out, but that isn’t our key.” That’s when it hit me that we’re on the road. All the clichés apply – starting to lose track of what day is what, what city we’re in, and especially what hotel we’re staying at. But don’t get me wrong, I’m having a phenomenal time. We played Big Daddy’s right on the FSU campus last night and even though the crowd hadn’t filled in all that much yet (we played relatively early at 10:00pm), we had a great show and accomplished what we wanted to. I mean, this place is THE place to play in town and during the school year, it’s obviously shoulder to shoulder packed on the weekend (and weekday even) nights. The bar tender was a cool guy named Paul who’s in a band called Miner’s Work. Yeah, we’re going to be hitting Big Daddy’s back up with his band and playing to a packed house next time. The people who were there were so digging it – “we see bands here ALL the time and y’all are the best we’ve EVER seen by far!” That’s what I’m talking about. It’s starting to be a trend – hearing cars pulling out of parking lots where we’ve been blasting our CD. I don’t miss Austin or home pretty much at all. Is that weird? I mean, I talked to my friends at S&G cause I missed them, but this is so way cooler than regular life. We haven’t had one fight yet as a band. Maybe we’re just on our “honeymoon” phase, but screw it, I love these guys. And Twink is totally crazy. Bars have been giving us free beer like crazy (Big Daddy’s gave EVERYONE who came in the bar between 9-10pm free beer – hear that Freebleeder?) and Twink has been taking advantage. And I thought he was chatty when he was sober! Nothing stops me – still running 4+ every morning and 2+ in the evenings before going to the show. Thank God for Stevie B’s all you can eat pasta for $3.99. The Saw, somewhere in mid-Georgia, signing off. Wish me luck finding a last minute show in Myrtle Beach for Monday… JULY 14, 2005 (DRIVING THROUGH ALABAMA): I’ve never seen a place with so many abandoned and dilapidated buildings as there were in Jackson, MS. We rolled in there after 9 hours on the road from Houston at about 8:00pm on Tuesday and all started to freak because there was nobody – NOBODY – out on the streets. And nobody was really ever on the streets of downtown the whole two days we were there! Imagine my shock at how excited we all were to see a strip mall on Wednesday when we went searching for a copy shop to make flyers. “Dude! There’s a Kroger!” says Smellman (now known as “Smelly” forever after Twink’s mom re-named him such). It was like coming back to reality when we hit this little suburban strip because Jackson downtown is so weirdly deserted. I went running this morning. The counter lady looked at me like I was from Pluto when I asked her where there were good park to run. So I just head around the city streets and couldn’t believe how building after building had broken out windows and crumbling bricks. I mean, seriously crumbling. It looked like the city just gave up somewhere not far after the Civil Rights era ended. Crazy. All that aside, the Wednesday show at the Joint was one of my favorite of all time. We rolled up having no idea what time we were playing and expecting to be the only band. As we pull into the lot, there are THREE other vans with trailers pulling in at the same time – a full tour of bands pulling up to share the stage. Turns out the owner Chip and manager Sharon had contacted a popular band called Simply Human to come play with us, and they were out on their first tour with two other young bands from a small label called Chaos Records. And they f’n hooked it up. The stage was small but mounted high atop HUGE speakers and subs and the sound was phenomenal. The first two bands honesty sucked hard. One was a screamo group who looked like they didn’t want to be anywhere near the stage (although their lead guitarist was a total shredder 1985-style) and the second band was similar. We got to play third and at that time SH’s crowd had already shown up. I talked a lot to the guys in the band – especially the drummer and the lead singer Cowbody – and I’m realizing that the best part about this tour is going to be meeting so many different people and bands. They are right where we are – on their first tour, having released two independent albums, trying to do whatever to make it. It was the first band I’ve seen since starting the band in TX that I really thought would make it. I mean, I think Freebleeder is so badass and should be huge rockstars, of course. These guys had all the right attitude and look and powerful stage presence and everything. Great guys. I know we’ll play with them again – a band I’d love to tour with someday. . . anyway, their crowd was mostly “SUPER-fine women” as Twink would say and judging by the reaction after the show, all the merch we sold, and the huge list of names on our e-mail list now, I’d say they dug it. It’s such an incredible feeling – getting off stage and having people coming to you asking for autographs. It’s even better when people just don’t know what to say. Everybody keeps saying “woah! We’ve never seen a band like you guys. So original. How do you describe your sound?” You can tell when it’s genuine and when it’s just pleasantries, and it feels good to be getting the genuine responses we were hoping for. . . The first screamo band even asked if they can open for us when we’re huge and famous. Leaving Jackson, I’ll remember the guys in Simply Human; the wired looks people gave me as I ran down the city streets; the basketball game we played on the 7 foot hoop (twink and I got killed before he and Smell passed out from exhaustion from just two games. Wussies.); eating Chef Boyardee before the Joint show (we also stayed on “High Street” which was just off of “Roach Street”). Eating healthy is a daily challenge here on the tour, but all four of us are into trying to do it right, and I’m happy to prepare healthy stuff each day as best I can. So far the electric skillet is easily satisfying morning egg addition. Please pardon the self-serving list of memories that will follow. If I don’t just get them out, they will be lost to history and the far corners of my memory forever. . . pretty much my lowest moment hanging on the side of 290E for the second night in a row – alone, disappointed, worried for the future of the tour – waiting for the wrecker to show up to tow me home to Austin. Those two guys from Bastrop Mike and Derrick who had a serious homophobia problem (the talk radio we were listening to had a gay guy call in) and were covered in black garage grease; my night alone in Austin feeling like I didn’t belong and then hauling ass in Little Boy up to Houston the next day; the Astros game (what a weird stadium – a great game, but the park feels totally fake and generated. Nothing like the Phillies new stadium. Maybe it had something to do with the roof being closed because it was so hot, but everything just felt plastic and not very authentic. But when Brad Lidge came in to save the game, DAMN those fans went bonkers.); running in the Greenbelts in Kingwood, TX at Twink’s house; meeting Ruben – a friend of LSPS – who let us park our trailer at his house. He’s got three in a row in this really nice of part of Houston. I asked him how he got to be such a real estate baron. He goes “my father was murdered a few years ago and he left me a lot of money.” Holy shit. I asked him if they caught the killers and he said “they’re dead.” Ok. “I’ve got some uncles in prison. They took care of him.” Wow. Twink’s dog Carmelita, so small she couldn’t jump from the floor to my lap. Didn’t prevent her from trying for 45 minutes straight. The LSPS show and meeting our friend Hook the producer from Houston, signing Jessica’s shirt, when LSPS covered “40% Chance” to open their set (it sounded like they were covering some famous band’s song. Tripped me out). Riding my bike around Kingwood. Dallas from LSPS and his huge save of our tour with the hook up for this badass van we’re now driving through Alabama in. Best of all, to quote Twinky P: “Guys, I’m like having so much fun. The best part is, like, all this camaraderie. Helping eachother out and rolling together.” Well said, Twink. June, 2005 - Resting for a bit here by the computer, writing some e-mails, trying to finalize the last remaining dates to be booked for our summer tour. We played a really f'n fun show last night at Antonio's TexMex with Stealing Silence. A lot of our friends showed up and we debuted about 5 new songs. Maybe that's why Twink screwed up so much! Well, I must admit to making the worst mistake of my career so far, I think. I wanted to walk off stage after starting the Battleship solo - my favorite one! - in the complete wrong key. But we survived. Yesterday was a great day in general - started with a long run (as did this morning), included a swim at the springs, a heated game of hoops with Colin, hoag, ty, and gonzo (actually two games - after that it got hellishly hot), a lot of good food, a long bike ride, some tour work, and the entertainment of watching the police make prostitution stings all evening on our street and using our driveway as a stakeout! oh geez. I also recorded a private concert for my favorite girl aimee for her birthday - hoag made some guest appearances too. i want to put them on the site, but then they wouldn't be a private concert anymore and of course she'd get mad at me for that!
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